A newlywed couple were on their honeymoon in Vegas. They were checking into the hotel, when they began to argue. The wife started shouting "E.F. !" "NO!...F.F.!" argued the husband. This went on for a while..."E.F.", "NO! F.F.!" ."E.F.", " F.F.!" The hotel clerk finally interupted and said, "What in the world are you guys arguing about?" The husband replied, "She wants to eat first."
Two Priests were fishing, when one of them caught a huge fish. "Look of the size of that sonofabitch!" He said. The other priest looked at him with disapproval, and scolded him, "Watch your language." "But that's the name of the fish." He said. When they returned from their fishing trip, they told the nun, "The pope is coming to dinner, can you cook this sonofabitch?" The nun was shocked that the priests would use such foul language. "That's the name of the fish." they said. So the nun cooked the fish. When the pope arrived for dinner, he complimented the fish. "I'm glad you like it." said the preist. "I caught the sonofabitch." "I cooked the sonofabitch." said the nun, to which the pope responded "You know what? You fuckers are alright."
Two men were enjoying some drinks at a bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building. One of the gentlemen said, "Did you know that because of the earth's polarity and wind current in this exact location, you can jump out of the window and you won't hit the ground?" "Yeah, right!" the other man said in disbelief. "Watch! I'll show you" he said. So he walked towards the window and jumped out. Sure enough, instead of plummeting to the ground, he circled around the building and got sucked back up into the window. "Wow!" said the other gentleman. "That's amazing!" and so HE walked towards the window and jumped out. Instead of circling around the building and racing back to the top floor, he sank like a rock and fell to the concrete below." The bartender looks at the first guy and says, "Superman, you're a jerk when you're drunk"
A Koala bear decided to visit a prostitute. They got a hotel room and got undressed. The Koala bear went down on the prostitute for about 30 minutes and then got up and got up and headed towards the door. The prostitute said, "Hey, what about my money!" The koala bear was confused and said. "what money?" "I'm a prostitute" she said. The koala bear said, "So, what's that have to do with anything?" "Look up prostitute in the dictionary." She said. "It says 'has sex for money'". "Oh yeah?" said the Koala Bear. "I'm a koala bear. Look THAT up in the dictionary. It says 'eats bushes and leaves'.
...and asks the bartender, "Do you have any duck food?" The bartender replied, "No we don't because we don't allow ducks in here. Please leave.", so the duck left. The next day the duck came back and asked again, "Do you have any duck food?" annoyed, the bartender said, "I told you we don't have duck food yesterday, so don't come back." The duck came back day after day for a week. Finally, the bartender says, "Listen, duck. If you come back here again, I'll nail your feet to the bar." The very next day, the duck walks into the bar and said, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender looks around and says, "sorry we're all out." "Well," said the duck, "Do you have any duck food?"
